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SHARON ADAMS -
FAMILY MATTERS
WESLEY KONRAD has traded his computer chips for baby crackers, his
out-of-town trips for jaunts to the museum, interrupting his technical
career for a stint as a stay-at-home dad while his wife Helen brings
home the bacon.
"I've cleaned up after breakfast and managed to have a shower, so it's
been a good day," he jokes, showing that in a very short time he has
come to appreciate that the care of two active pre-schoolers can be as
all-consuming as tracking problems in a vast computer network.
He's part of a trend that has been quietly growing for the last
generation.
Today, 12 of every 100 single-earner families in Canada has a stay-home
dad, compared to only two in 1976, according to Statistics Canada.
While economic necessity has eroded the number of families with
stay-at-home mothers as women enter the workforce to bring home a second
paycheque, says Statistics Canada, the good news is that many are
earning better wages. In some cases, the woman is the higher-paid
worker, so it can make sense for her to continue to work while dad stays
home.
Such is the case with the Konrads.
When they decided to have a second child, they determined one of them
would be home until both kids were in school. "With two kids in day
care, it seems like you're working just for day care," said Konrad.
They were able to use several child-care strategies with their elder son
Edward, now four, including parental leave following his birth,
grandparents and day care.
When Jacob, now 18 months old, came along Wesley had benefits and Helen
was doing contract work, so she stayed home while he continued as a
programmer/analyst -- a job that required some travel.
Then Helen, a statistician and mathematician, was offered a very good
job. "If I'm the enlightened individual I like to think I am, there's no
biological reason why Helen should be the one to stay home," Wesley
said. So the couple did a cost/benefit analysis and determined there
were more positives than negatives if Helen returned to work.
"It was a good offer, for more than I was making, with more stability."
So in December, Wesley became a househusband.
"I'm committed to stay home until Jacob goes to nursery school when he's
four," says Konrad.
He's carrying on a family tradition of dad being involved in his
children's lives. "My dad was a guidance counsellor, so he'd get home
almost the same time we got home from school."
That, too, is a growing national trend. It was unusual for a man in the
generation of Wesley's dad, but the idea that work/life balance leads to
better health has helped men make family a larger priority in their
lives, and with that comes a more active role in their children's lives.
And, according to Statistics Canada, a more active role in housework.
Sharing the chores before taking over the at-home role made the
transition easier, says Konrad. Experience with laundry, vacuuming and
planning and cooking meals means he's less a bumbling Mr. Mom and more a
Mrs. Doubtfire, without the need to hide his gender.
Whereas a generation ago, a stay-home dad could find himself getting
either the cold shoulder or smarmy sympathy from stay-home moms, today
they're just part of the landscape.
Wesley has slipped into Helen's place in the neighbourhood playgroup.
"They don't let me get away with much," he says. "I can't play the dumb,
stay-at-home dad card."
One reason is, he's not alone. "One of the nice things about living in
Wolseley is it attracts progressive people," says Konrad. "There are
other stay-at-home dads."
His advice to other men considering the change?
"If it works for your family, it's great," he says. "I don't have a lot
of regrets; the only thing is, it's harder to maintain friendships with
people at work."
But the rich experience with his kids makes up for that. "I get to see
all the milestones." In the month he's been home, Jacob has moved from
crawling to walking, and Wesley's been able to see every wobbly
development.
A big part of his satisfaction "is knowing my kids are never going to
refer to me as the dad that wasn't around."
sharon.adams@freepress.mb.ca |
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